I’m going to call this tough love. Because even if we don’t love you, we certainly love to hate you. See…the thing is, we need to talk. It’s not me, Bill. It’s you. And specifically, your wardrobe choices.
I was encouraged at the start of the season. Week one you debuted a short sleeve windbreaker that, coupled with the visor, gave you a great golfer look. Well done.
You carried the windbreaker into week two and by week three, you unveiled a smart mock turtleneck that was both professional and sporty. And the khaki pants were a nice complement. A good look on you. Very good.
And then came week four. Or as I like to call it, The Return of the Hoodie. Why, Bill? Why? What happened? Did you just stop trying?
It’s a look you’ve stuck with…the hideous grey Hoodie with the cutoff sleeves. Not a good look. At all. In fact, last week you made Jets Coach Rex Ryan look stylish in his Dockers and grandpa sweater vest. Well, somewhat stylish. It was a low bar.
I know it’s football. And I know no points are awarded for style. And I don’t want to offend anyone, but quite frankly, you look like a homeless person. And it’s the homeless I’m worried about offending here.
You are a professional, Bill. And you represent The New England Patriots, one of the classiest teams in the National Football League. I mean…Robert Kraft. Does it get any classier than that? I know he had that thing where he read the porn script, but everyone gets a freebie.
You, on the other hand, are out of free coupons. This has gone on too long already. My mother is downright offended by your look. She thinks it’s disrespectful to the game. And I think she’s right. She usually is, you know.
What happened to dress for success? Let’s go back to week three. Didn’t you feel classy, sophisticated, when your team…lost? And then…week four, when you slummed it? Didn’t you feel like a loser when your team…won?
Maybe it is me. I guess I should just be grateful you don’t complete the cutoff grey hoodie with cutoff grey sweats.
At least, not on game day…
As you were.