Jerry Jones and Chris Christie make strange bedfellows

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones have a budding bromance

There was Carrie Underwood. And Jessica Simpson. And now, there’s…Chris Christie?!

Meet the new muse of the Dallas Cowboys.

The New Jersey governor is the latest public figure to be spotted regularly in the suite of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. Last Sunday, when the Cowboys played the Detroit Lions in the wild card round of the NFL playoffs, Christie was photographed on the sideline, in Jones’ suite (in an awkward celebratory manhug), and going into the locker room afterwards.

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Which is all fine and good…if he wants to run for office in Texas.

The problem is, Christie represents a state with its own NFL team (even if no one wants to claim it), the New York Jets. And New Jersey is home to MetLife Stadium, which is shared by both the Jets and the New York Giants (a huge divisional rival of the Cowboys). I know, both teams say they’re from New York, but the Jets are actually based in New Jersey.

Christie’s brother Todd, who came to his defense on Facebook this week, says Chris is a lifelong fan of the Cowboys. Christie can be a fan of any team he wants. But showing up week after week in the owner’s suite is a bad look, even if it’s perfectly legal. It wreaks of big money power and influence. And it’s raised some ethical questions about a contract Christie pushed for a company part owned by Jones. Not to mention, Christie is reportedly preparing for the 2016 presidential election. You can bet those pictures in Jones’ suite will turn into campaign ads.

I can already hear them:

(Deep, dark male voice): “Chris Christie spent more time watching the Dallas Cowboys than watching government spending.”

(Concerned female voice): “Chris Christie cares more about football than children.” *A few of us (not naming names) may be guilty of that one.

Unlike Underwood and Simpson (both of whom were shunned when quarterback Tony Romo broke up with them), Christie may have some staying power with the Cowboys, seeing as the team is winning. Jerry Jones has said Christie is part of the team’s mojo. And he fully expects him to be at this week’s big divisional game against the Packers in Green Bay. God knows the Cowboys will need all of their mojo to beat Aaron Rodgers.

While it isn’t apparent at first, Chris Christie and Jessica Simpson actually have some similarities. They’re both Republicans. They’ve both endured public scrutiny over their weight and their attendance at Cowboys games. They both wear orange well. But only one of them has ever looked good in Daisy Duke shorts.

Are you happy, Governor? You’ve become a caricature.

Maybe you and Jerry are soulmates after all.

XO

Dear Dez Bryant, There is something Calvin Johnson can do better…

Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant airs it out on the sideline (Photo: SI.com)

Wide receiver Dez Bryant airs it out on the Cowboys’ sideline
(Photo: SI.com)

Dear Dez Bryant,

You are a talented player. And football is a competitive game.

Fairly or unfairly, much was made of your comment about Calvin Johnson last week. You were asked what the Detroit Lions wide receiver does better than you. You responded, “I believe I can do whatever he can do.”

Fair enough.

Then came Sunday’s game between the Cowboys and Lions.

You had a few catches, one of them incredible. And a touchdown. Along with some huge temper tantrums on the Cowboys’ sideline.

And while you were making drama, Calvin Johnson was making plays.

By the end of the game, Calvin Johnson had one of the best days a receiver has ever had. In NFL history.

Maybe next time you play Calvin Johnson, you should do something else from the sideline…and watch him.

You just might learn something.

Because, there is one thing Calvin Johnson is better at. Keeping his mouth shut. And catching the ball (guess that’s two things).

So, if you can do whatever Calvin can do…

Then…just do it.

XO

It’s weird in Jerry World

Cowboys Owner/President/General Manager Jerry Jones (Photo: USA Today)

Cowboys Owner/President/General Manager Jerry Jones
(Photo: USA Today)

Remember when you were little? And you could be anything you wanted to be? Then you grew up. And you realized what a super hero gets paid.

Well, that never happens to some people.

Take, Jerry Jones for example. Jerry Jones is the owner, president, and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys. He works at Cowboy Stadium, otherwise known as Jerry World. And when he’s not working (and sometimes when he is), he likes to pretend.

When Jerry Jones bought the Dallas Cowboys in 1989, he fired the longtime general manager, Tex Schramm, and took over complete control of football operations. To this day, Jones remains the NFL owner most involved in the day-to-day operations of his team.

And that’s all fine and good. Until Jerry World collides with the real world.

For example, one of Jerry’s favorite games is to pretend he is part of the team. He is often seen on the field and makes appearances in the locker room after games. In Jerry World, the team wants him there. In the real world…they locked him out once (that we know of).

This offseason, Jerry invented a new game. In this one, paying players what other players make, magically turns them into that player. So, Jerry Jones signed Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo to a six-year $108 million dollar contract extension. In real life.

Jones reportedly told Romo that now that he is making “Peyton Manning money,” he expects him to put in Peyton Manning-type time on the job. Apparently, he would rather have Romo studying tape than playing golf. Fair enough.

Romo recently had surgery to remove a cyst in his back, and will miss most of the team’s offseason training activities. But he’ll have plenty of time to watch tape. Which just goes to show you, be careful what you wish for. In Jerry World and the real world.

Peyton Manning is Peyton Manning. Tony Romo is Tony Romo. It was reported this week that Peyton Manning shot a 77 at Augusta National. Apparently, Peyton Manning time does include golf.

Here’s a thought. Maybe Jerry Jones should start putting in Robert Kraft-type time…and pay someone else to do it.

Pretend is great. But real is better.

For now, Jerry Jones is happy in Jerry World.

Who wouldn’t be?

XO

Coffee Cup Quarterback | Week 10: Livin On A Prayer…

Colts Quarterback Andrew Luck and Offensive Tackle Anthony Castonzo

Whooah…we’re half way there…

Give or take a week.  Or two.

Yes, I was inspired by the music coming from Soldier Field during Sunday Night Football.  And, it just happens to be my personal anthem.  Lucas Oil Stadium (or whoever controls the music at our pad)…take note.

We gotta hold on to what we got…

The Atlanta Falcons that it is.  Trying to hold on to their unbeaten record, the only one left in the NFL this season.  The Falcons played the Saints, who Falcons Head Coach Mike Smith is 2-7 against.  The Falcons fall to 8-1.  The 1972 Dolphins pop the champagne.  And then there were none…

It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not…

Or so it would seem between the Dallas Cowboys and Philadelphia Eagles.  Or…does it?  Tony Romo is living up to his nickname, Mr. November (no he was not in Playgirl), as he rallies his team to beat the Michael Vick-less Eagles (who left with a concussion in the second quarter).  And there doesn’t look to be a looming quarterback controversy with rookie Nick Foles at the helm.

Also helping the Cowboys, the Giants lost to the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday.  If Eli Manning’s arm was tired, it’s rested now.  He’s had two games in a row with no touchdowns.  You know what does look tired?  The Giants offensive line, which allowed four sacks on Manning.  And the Giants defense, which was holier than Tim Tebow.

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot…
For love…we’ll give it a shot…

That would be the Indianapolis Colts.  United by love for their sick coach, Chuck Pagano, the players shaved their heads for him this week.  Then went down to defeat their division rivals, the Jacksonville Jaguars.  The Colts, at 6-3, have a two game lead over the other AFC teams in the hunt for a wildcard playoff spot.  Yes, the Colts are the darlings of the NFL…and were also the darlings of the refs on Thursday night.  Still…the Colts are quickly becoming the team that no one wants to play.  Because, they are just that…a team.  And my team, so I may be a little biased.

We’ve got to hold on ready or not…

And the San Diego Chargers were not.  Ready.  At.  All.  For the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  But, they were cleared of any wrong doing in the Stickygate scandal.  So there’s that…

You live for the fight when that’s all that you’ve got…

Only the New York Jets don’t appear to have any fight left in them.  Or if they do, it is on the bench…praying.  The Jets were beat by the Seattle Seahawks 28-7.  Even Seahawks Wide Receiver Golden Tate had a chance to throw…and he did.  For a touchdown to Sidney Rice.

A few side notes…

The NFL may want to look into this concussion thing, *insert sarcasm* as three starting quarterbacks went out with them on Sunday: Jay Cutler (Bears), Alex Smith (49ers), and Michel Vick (Eagles).  Two of which had something to lose…

And for the first time since 2008, we had a tie game in the NFL.  And just like last time…one of the players was not aware of the rules.  *Insert Donovan McNabb joke.*

Do they not cover this at rookie camp?  Brush up on it during training camp?  If I’m an NFL coach (and I don’t aspire to be), the first thing I do when my team goes into overtime is…REMIND THEM OF HOW IT WORKS!  And maybe have a pop quiz on the NFL Rule Book.  Sorry.  Didn’t mean to yell…

So, here we are.  At the turning point of the season.  Some things are becoming more obvious…others, more puzzling.  The one thing we can be sure of…a wild ride from here.

Take my hand…we’ll make it, I swear…

XO

This post brought to you by Bon Jovi.

Coffee Cup Quarterback | Week 9: Decisions…decisions…

Happy Election Day, America!  Make sure you vote today.  Or…don’t complain about the result.

I’m sure the exit polls are already coming in.  A winner cannot be predicted in the NFL season thus far…but we’re starting to be able to project the losers.

Week nine kicked off on Thursday night with a must win game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Diego Chargers.  The Chiefs came out on the losing end of that battle 13-31, which puts them at 1-7.  I’ll just let Twitter take it from there…


Sunday night…another primetime game, another must win game.  But this time, only for one team…the Dallas Cowboys.  Tony Romo’s first pass to the end zone was a throw I could have made.  But he missed it, badly.  Amazingly, it wasn’t intercepted.  Romo leads the league with 13 interceptions this season, yet he had none against the Atlanta Falcons.  Still, the Cowboys fell 13-19.  And that makes the Falcons 8-0 and the Cowboys 3-5.

Which raises some questions…what does the future look like for the Dallas Cowboys?  For Head Coach Jason Garrett?  For Tony Romo?  And you think you have decisions to make today?  How would you like to be Cowboys Owner and General Manager Jerry Jones?  Who was, by the way…locked out of the locker room after the game.  The locker room he built and he owns.


Things are getting a little bizarro in Jerryville.  Just goes to show…you can buy a team, you can buy a stadium, you can even buy an election…but you can’t buy respect.

At least he stuck around for the end of the game.  Tennessee Titans Owner Bud Adams was reportedly so disgusted with his team’s performance against the Chicago Bears on Sunday, that he left during the third quarter and flew home.  The Titans lost to the Bears 20-51.

“In my 50 years of owning an NFL franchise, I am at a loss to recall a regular-season home game that was such a disappointment for myself and fans of the Titans.”

-Tennessee Titans Owner Bud Adams to The Tennessean

And that brings us to the Monday Night Football game of Election Eve.  And, you guessed it…a must win game between the struggling Philadelphia Eagles and the New Orleans Saints.  You know a game is boring when Michael Vick’s brother’s tweets are a highlight.


The other highlight…the halftime interviews with the presidential candidates.  For anyone…who after all the ads, debates, phone calls, and mailings…hasn’t yet made up their mind.  What I really wish Chris Berman would have asked is, “Mr. President, how would you fix the Eagles?”  They lost to the Saints 13-28.  Along with the economy, healthcare, and social security, the Philadelphia Eagles may be a problem that will take longer than four years to fix.

Whatever your team, whoever your candidate…last night and today are what America is all about.  In the end, politics may divide us, but football unites us.

So choose wisely, America. Your future depends on it.

And that goes double for the Chiefs.

XO

And a happy Election Day birthday to my sister, Jennifer!  Congratulations are also in order…as she reclaimed her spot atop the Pigskin ‘N Pearls fantasy league with her team, Don’t Play Like Shiht Zus.  She may shiht when she sees who’s right behind her though…with Doug Martin.