Dear London, On behalf of the NFL…I apologize.

Look, kids...Big Ben. With Big Ben.  (Photo: CBS Sports)

Look, kids…Big Ben. With Big Ben.
(Photo: CBS Sports)

Dear London,

I apologize. When NFL Commission Roger Goodell announced two games in London this season, we were under the impression that he was trying to create overseas interest in the National Football League.

Then, we saw the teams he was sending. And let’s just say…YAWN! Or as you might say…WANKER! Or…bloody hell. Or something like that.

Don’t get me wrong, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Minnesota Vikings both have a great history. For the Steelers, it’s just been a few years. And for the Vikings…a few decades. I can say that, because I grew up a Vikings fan.

It’s not all bad, though. The Steelers have a quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger. And he’s really big. So, they call him Big Ben. You know, kinda like your Big Ben. So…there’s that.

And the Vikings have a quarterback too. Sometimes. His name is Christian Ponder. And he’ll make you ponder, alright…mostly why you’re watching this game. Don’t worry about him. His wife has a really good job. He’ll be fine.

We’re supposed to be allies. You send us David Beckham. And we send you Ben Roethlisberger and Christian Ponder in return?! At least we sent Tom Brady over last year. Hopefully there’s still some goodwill carryover from that.

So, anywho…just try to enjoy the game. If that’s possible. And the good news is, you have another one to look forward to on October 27th, when Wembley Stadium hosts the San Francisco 49ers and…oh, forget it.

The Jacksonville Jaguars can’t fill their own stadium.

Why does the Commissioner hate you so much?

But, as I like to say, football is kind of like pizza. And sex. Even when it’s bad…it’s not that bad.

And American football at its worst is still better than soccer. Or as you call it…football. Futbol?! This language barrier is killing me.

Hopefully they’ve scheduled a good halftime show…like David Beckham kicking field goals.

In his underwear.




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