The next big reality show? Project Handbag. NFL edition.

Photo:

Photo: Slotanna.com

Calling all handbag designers…Kate Spade, Louis Vuitton, Marc Jacobs. Report immediately to the NFL offices in Manhattan for the latest designing reality show.

Think…Project Runway meets Fashion Star meets Sunday Night Football.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, (and when you hear the terms you may not) is to design a fashionable handbag for NFL football fans. You will only have two materials to work with: clear plastic, vinyl, or PVC and an accent of your choice. The finished product may be no larger than 12” x 6” x 12.”

Photo: NFL

Photo: NFL

The clock starts…now. Your deadline is the start of the NFL season on September 5th.

The judges…Karl Lagerfeld, Anna Wintour, and me.

The reward? The winning bag will be sold online and in NFL shops nationwide. You will also have the privilege of watching Super Bowl XLVIII from the suite of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. I haven’t asked him yet, but I’m sure he’s cool with it.

To the designer, the real prize is something bigger. Something altruistic. Something that lasts forever. The knowledge that they spared millions of women from walking around carrying this:

One thing is clear. Despite its best intentions, the NFL fumbled the “all clear” challenge.

Time for them to punt.

And time for us to say…

Auf wiedersehen.

XO

The next NFL scandal…pursegate

Kate Moss toting a now banned oversize Chanel handbag

Kate Moss toting an oversized Chanel handbag now banned by the NFL.

He changed the overtime rules, the definition of a fair tackle, even kickoffs. We handled it. No problem. But when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell went after our handbags…the ladies of the NFL united and rose up in outrage.

Where is the liberty? This is America…land of the free. We are home of the Big Mac, the gas guzzling SUV, the California king bed…and the giant, floppy handbag.

The NFL announced this week that in order to “enhance public safety” and ease stadium entrance, they will restrict the size and type of bags taken into stadiums beginning this preseason.

The NFL approved tote

*The NFL approved tote

Acceptable bags are defined as:

  •  Bags that are clear plastic, vinyl or PVC and do not exceed 12” x 6” x 12.” (*Official NFL team logo clear plastic tote bags are available through club merchandise outlets or at nflshop.com), or
  • One-gallon clear plastic freezer bag (Ziploc bag or similar).
  • Small clutch bags, approximately the size of a hand, with or without a handle or strap can be taken into the stadium with one of the clear plastic bag options.

Is a ziplock bag a handbag? No. It is not. And you will not see me carrying one. Even with a chain handle. Is this just an attempt by the Commissioner to sell you an ugly beach tote and call it a handbag? No. It is not.

This is a matter of public safety. Football is America’s sport. On Sundays, NFL fans pack stadiums with 60-80,000 fans, all cheering for their team. And all wanting to feel safe while doing it. The Boston Marathon bombing opened up a new chapter in security at public events, much like 9/11 did at airports.

College stadiums have long restricted large purses and bags, mostly to avoid alcohol coming in. But also as a matter of safety in stadiums that hold 100,000 people or more.

We can do this, ladies. It’s time for us to take one for the team, or for the sport we love. In the meantime, they may want to add some security to the Commissioner’s staff. Because right now he is at a high risk of being beaten with a large, oversize handbag.

But it’s not Roger Goodell who is taking away your freedom. It’s the deranged lunatics of the world who harm innocent people as sport. So if you’re going to take your anger out on anyone, it should be them.

We are Americans. We figured out freedom. Keeping it…is another matter entirely.

Thankfully, the clutch is in.

A word of advice for the Commissioner though…don’t even think about touching our shoes.

XO