NFL London needs to happen. Because…David Beckham.


David Beckham

I have to say, when I first heard NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s plan to expand to London, it seemed absurd. Football is an American sport. And I’m about as ethnocentric as they come.

But, I do love the Brits.

They gave us David Beckham. And Hugh Grant. And Burberry. And Def Leppard (I know. Just appreciate my 80’s upbringing). And then there’s British humor…don’t even start me.

Did I say Hugh Grant? And David Beckham?

Plus, London took Madonna off our hands. That arse. Surely, we owe them a debt of gratitude for that.

I never realized how many NFL fans there were in the United Kingdom until I got on Twitter. Some of the most passionate and loyal fans of American football hail from across the pond. And if you think Monday Night Football is late on East Coast time, try watching it on London time…where it’s five hours ahead. That’s dedication, people. And that’s a bugger of a football hangover.

And then, there’s the possibility that someone could recruit British soccer and pop culture star David Beckham into the NFL. Wouldn’t that be something?! He could kick. Or punt. Or snap. Or just stand on the sideline and look pretty. The full monty. He can do it. Clothed, of course. Or not. Either way, he’s the bee’s knees.

The NFL Dream Team: David Beckham and Reggie Bush. The two shot a promo prior to Beckham's stint with the LA Galaxy. (Photo: Reuters)

The NFL Dream Team: David Beckham and Reggie Bush. Beckham got a lesson in American football after signing with the LA Galaxy in 2007.
(Photo: Reuters)

Forget Tim Tebow…the Jacksonville Jaguars need David Beckham! Hell, many teams could use Beckham. Just, please…not the Patriots. Brady and Becks is way too much posh for one team. Pretty soon, they’ll be doing manis and pedis in the locker room. Bill Belichick will have heart failure. And their wives would never get along.

We can’t share the best sport in the world with a country we call our BFF?  Come on! The Vikings can win in London, so you already know they’re in favor.

The United States is supposed to stand for freedom, opportunity, and all that’s good in the world. And American football is one of those things. We can’t leave our former mother country watching…soccer. That’s just bloody inhumane.

Also, I’m not done using British phrases.

Cheerio, mates.

I know. I will stop.


Dear London, On behalf of the NFL…I apologize.

Look, kids...Big Ben. With Big Ben.  (Photo: CBS Sports)

Look, kids…Big Ben. With Big Ben.
(Photo: CBS Sports)

Dear London,

I apologize. When NFL Commission Roger Goodell announced two games in London this season, we were under the impression that he was trying to create overseas interest in the National Football League.

Then, we saw the teams he was sending. And let’s just say…YAWN! Or as you might say…WANKER! Or…bloody hell. Or something like that.

Don’t get me wrong, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Minnesota Vikings both have a great history. For the Steelers, it’s just been a few years. And for the Vikings…a few decades. I can say that, because I grew up a Vikings fan.

It’s not all bad, though. The Steelers have a quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger. And he’s really big. So, they call him Big Ben. You know, kinda like your Big Ben. So…there’s that.

And the Vikings have a quarterback too. Sometimes. His name is Christian Ponder. And he’ll make you ponder, alright…mostly why you’re watching this game. Don’t worry about him. His wife has a really good job. He’ll be fine.

We’re supposed to be allies. You send us David Beckham. And we send you Ben Roethlisberger and Christian Ponder in return?! At least we sent Tom Brady over last year. Hopefully there’s still some goodwill carryover from that.

So, anywho…just try to enjoy the game. If that’s possible. And the good news is, you have another one to look forward to on October 27th, when Wembley Stadium hosts the San Francisco 49ers and…oh, forget it.

The Jacksonville Jaguars can’t fill their own stadium.

Why does the Commissioner hate you so much?

But, as I like to say, football is kind of like pizza. And sex. Even when it’s bad…it’s not that bad.

And American football at its worst is still better than soccer. Or as you call it…football. Futbol?! This language barrier is killing me.

Hopefully they’ve scheduled a good halftime show…like David Beckham kicking field goals.

In his underwear.