On Wisconsin

Saturday night. Around 2:00 AM. I am up. In my living room. Watching the Wisconsin game. Mostly because my friend Jennifer (aka Mustard Girl) is in town and she is from Wisconsin, went to Wisconsin, and brought Bucky Badger Bells to Wisconsin. So, yes. Call her a Wisconsin fan.

Good time with a great friend. And a great game. Until the end.

Badgers quarterback Joel Stave was preparing for what would have been a game winning field goal against Arizona State. Stave claims he took a knee, then set the ball down before placing it for the kick, but before he could do that…a Sun Devil defender jumped the ball and layed on it until the clock ran out. Instead of making a call, the officials made a run for the exit. And the game was over.

And then, this happened…

A tweet from the wife of former Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema. The same Bret Bielema who took the head coaching job at Arkansas last December and took off…leaving his players without a coach for the Rose Bowl.

No, honey. That’s not karma. Nice try though. You might want to look up the word karma. And while you’re at it, look up another one…class.

We’ll let you know when karma shows up. But, we probably won’t have to. That’s usually how karma works.

Let us not forget the botched call by the replacement refs that cost the Green Bay Packers a win against the Seahawks last season. As well as the controversial call they had week one of this season against the 49ers.

All this leaves me wondering…why do the officials hate Wisconsin so much? It’s a lovely place. Beautiful country. Nice people.

Football fans who root against Wisconsin teams may find these calls (or lack of) entertaining. But, just wait until Wisconsin secedes from the NFL. And the NCAA. And the USA.

And they take their milk, cheese, beer, and brats with them.

That, Mrs. Bielema, will be karma.

XO

Dear Johnny Football, Less Johnny Knoxville…more John Boy

Texas A&M Quarterback Johnny Manziel (Johnny Football) (Photo: Sports Illustrated)

Texas A&M Quarterback Johnny Manziel (Johnny Football)
(Photo: Sports Illustrated)

Dear Johnny Football,

We’ve all been there. Your twenties are fantastic. And dreadful. But mostly fantastic. You’ve got youth, freedom, and opportunity on your side. The whole wide world is your playground.

And that’s for a normal twenty-year-old.

You’re a starting quarterback in the SEC. And a Heisman Trophy winner. With a larger than life personality. You hold the whole wide world in your oversized hands.

Unless you screw it up.

Then, you’re just young and stupid. With really big hands.

And let’s be honest, you’re starting to look awfully…youthful. There was the drinking, and the partying, the bar fight, the arrest, and the bad use of social media. Typical twenty-year-old behavior.

But leaving (being dismissed) from the Manning Passing Academy after illness (hangover) prevented you from performing your duties as camp counselor?

Now, my friend, you are in red flag territory. And if you don’t think NFL teams are concerned about red flags in college, google Aaron Hernandez.

You made a bad choice. Again. But this time, you let down your campers, your family, your school, your fans, and the first family of American football. As my old boss used to say, if you’re going to be stupid…you better be tough.

The good news is, you can still turn this around. You can’t erase the past, but you can make them forget. But in order to do that, you need to be Boy Wonder on the field and a Boy Scout off the field.

In short…it’s time to grow up.

And that got me thinking. Maybe you should dump “Johnny Football” for something more mature, like John. John Pigskin.

Otherwise…Johnny Bouncer has a nice ring to it.

Oh, and I almost forgot…your punishment?

Have fun at SEC Media Day on Wednesday.

And good luck…

You’re going to need it.

XO

How do you say: Best. Week. Ever. In a tattoo? Suggestions for Rick Pitino…

Louisville Coach Rick Pitino celebrates the NCAA Championship with his Cardinals

Louisville Coach Rick Pitino celebrates the National Championship with his Cardinals (Photo: Andy Lyons/Getty)

No one has had a bigger week than Louisville men’s basketball coach, Rick Pitino. Maybe ever.

His horse, Goldencents, won a big race and is now a favorite heading into the Kentucky Derby. His son, Richard, landed the head coaching job at the University of Minnesota. He made the Basketball Hall of Fame. And he won the NCAA National Championship for the second time, with his second team, becoming the first coach ever to do so.

How will Rick Pitino top the week off? With his first tattoo, of course. Pitino promised his Louisville Cardinals players that he would get a tattoo if the team won the National Championship. And it’s a promise he intends to keep.

How will he ink himself? The options are endless. He’ll probably have trouble deciding, especially after this week. So, I decided to offer some assistance.

Here are my suggestions:

5.  A cardinal. It’s obvious, but also selfish. Because I can’t ever remember whether he coaches for Louisville or Kentucky. And don’t even tell me he doesn’t wake up some mornings wondering the same thing.

4.  The sun. Because he obviously doesn’t ever see it. And desperately needs it. It was alleged this week that he may be a vampire, something I’m sure the vampires of the world took great offense to. I, like many, went through my vampire phase and I can tell you that I know Edward Cullen. And Rick Pitino is no Edward Cullen.

3.  His wife in a Kevin Ware jersey. Yes, Rick Pitino could take a page out of the Rex Ryan School of Coaching and get a tattoo of his wife in the jersey of his star player. In Pitino’s case, the team found success despite losing their star to a broken leg. In Ryan’s case, they just lost.

2.  The name of his plastic surgeon. So we can spare ourselves the embarrassment of showing up somewhere wearing the same face as him. And his wife. Two people walking around with that face is enough, people. I thought cloning humans was illegal. It’s certainly creepy.

1.  Coach. To help him remember his place…on the sideline. There were many times during the championship game that I thought Pitino was going to take it upon himself to foul a Michigan player. Why the officials or Michigan coaches had no problem with Pitino being on the floor for half the night is beyond me. You’d think they’d keep an eye on him. He has a history of pushing his boundaries.

It’s easy to have fun at his expense, but you know what’s not easy? Winning national championships. Congratulations to Coach Pitino and the Louisville Cardinals. You can call Rick Pitino many things, but there’s one thing you can’t call him…

A loser.

XO

Dear Rutgers, The clock is ticking…

Rutgers Men's Basketball Coach Mike Rice (Photo: USA Today Sports)

Rutgers Men’s Basketball Coach Mike Rice
(Photo: USA Today Sports)

Dear Rutgers,

Your silence is deafening.

There’s nothing to think about, talk about, or consider.

Mike Rice needs to go. Yesterday. His boss, Tim Pernetti, as well. And your players deserve an apology. In person. From the University president. They deserved better. They deserve better. And you need to see to it that they get better.

College basketball is a business. But it’s still education. The coaches are paid to get the most out of the players. But also to teach them life lessons. Harassment, assault, verbal abuse, and degradation are not part of the lesson plan. They have no place in any kind of athletic program, least of which, one that is backed by higher education.

You were warned…tipped off by a former employee. Your response was underwhelming. And now, a video has surfaced that shows the world what you couldn’t see. It’s amazing what you don’t find when you’re not looking for it.

We are looking…for action. And reaction. From you. It’s overdue.

And still, we wait.

Tick…tick…tick…

Surefire signs you’re being “Catfished”

(Photo: Wold Fishing Network)

(Photo: Wold Fishing Network)

The latest revelations in the Manti Te’o girlfriend hoax are that the alleged mastermind, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (a male), was the voice of Lennay Kekua all along. In an effort to save future gullible males from suffering a similar fate, I have put together a list of warning signs for those in an online relationship.

Fellas, keep your eyes open for these red flags!

10 Surefire signs you’re being “Catfished”:

10)  Her profile picture is a pair of hooters. From Hooters.

9)  She’s constantly clearing her voice.

8) She tells you she shaved today…and specifies her legs.

7) She can only FaceTime at night…from her basement.

6) She never got into Twilight because sexy vampires “just aren’t her thing.”

5) She tells you about the practical jokes she loves to play on her friends.

4) Said friends affectionately refer to her as “Douche Bag.”

3) Tells you her parents always wanted a daughter…I mean, a son.

2) She says she’s going to Target. And she’ll call you back in five minutes. She does.

1) She thinks “BJ Week” is a real thing.