Johnny Manziel’s 21st birthday: 21 things to ponder

Johnny Manziel (aka Johnny Football) lights it up. (Photo: TMZ)

Johnny Manziel (aka Johnny Football) lights it up.
(Photo: TMZ)

On Friday, the most celebrated vilified controversial quarterback in college football has a birthday. But, this isn’t just any birthday. This is the 21st birthday of Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel.

So many questions…but I narrowed it down to 21. Consider this my gift to you.

  1. How did God let “Johnny Football” turn 21 on a Friday?
  2. Where will this celebration occur?
  3. How could it not be Vegas?
  4. Will they shut down the strip?
  5. Will it last a day? A week? A month?
  6. Has extra security been brought in?
  7. Have extra bathrooms been brought in?
  8. Has extra booze been brought in?
  9. Who will be there?
  10. Forget it. Who won’t be there?
  11. Will Archie Manning have a talk with him before he goes out?
  12. Will he bring his Heisman Trophy?
  13. Will he wear his Tim Tebow jersey?
  14. How many body parts will he sign?
  15. Will he get paid for signing said parts?
  16. Will he get parking tickets?
  17. Will he make the cash sign and “make it rain” at midnight?
  18. Are there movie rights?
  19. Will he pull a Greg Brady and insist he be called Johnny Bravo all night? (Credit to my Mother on that one.)
  20. Will AJ McCarron be responsible for getting him up the next morning?
  21. How has he been partying in clubs for the last two years?

So many more questions…guess we’ll just have to wait for the pictures. And the movie.

Happy birthday, Johnny Manziel! Be safe. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Or, in your case…stay home.


Dear Johnny Football, Less Johnny Knoxville…more John Boy

Texas A&M Quarterback Johnny Manziel (Johnny Football) (Photo: Sports Illustrated)

Texas A&M Quarterback Johnny Manziel (Johnny Football)
(Photo: Sports Illustrated)

Dear Johnny Football,

We’ve all been there. Your twenties are fantastic. And dreadful. But mostly fantastic. You’ve got youth, freedom, and opportunity on your side. The whole wide world is your playground.

And that’s for a normal twenty-year-old.

You’re a starting quarterback in the SEC. And a Heisman Trophy winner. With a larger than life personality. You hold the whole wide world in your oversized hands.

Unless you screw it up.

Then, you’re just young and stupid. With really big hands.

And let’s be honest, you’re starting to look awfully…youthful. There was the drinking, and the partying, the bar fight, the arrest, and the bad use of social media. Typical twenty-year-old behavior.

But leaving (being dismissed) from the Manning Passing Academy after illness (hangover) prevented you from performing your duties as camp counselor?

Now, my friend, you are in red flag territory. And if you don’t think NFL teams are concerned about red flags in college, google Aaron Hernandez.

You made a bad choice. Again. But this time, you let down your campers, your family, your school, your fans, and the first family of American football. As my old boss used to say, if you’re going to be stupid…you better be tough.

The good news is, you can still turn this around. You can’t erase the past, but you can make them forget. But in order to do that, you need to be Boy Wonder on the field and a Boy Scout off the field.

In short…it’s time to grow up.

And that got me thinking. Maybe you should dump “Johnny Football” for something more mature, like John. John Pigskin.

Otherwise…Johnny Bouncer has a nice ring to it.

Oh, and I almost forgot…your punishment?

Have fun at SEC Media Day on Wednesday.

And good luck…

You’re going to need it.